Excerpts from a night out in Brighton, UK

The Setting: A “tapas” (if you consider Eggs Benedict a tapa) restaurant in Brighton. It is Small’s roll-off party Part 1.

Regular Cast:
Croker – The “Geek”
Small – The “American”
Craney – The “Northerner”
PMO – a.k.a “Chloe”
Hewett – The “Trouble-maker” and also the scribe for this excerpt

Special Guest Appearance:
Candy – Friend of the American
Tim – From Manchester. Definitely NOT a Man U fan.

EXCERPTS

Quote of the night:
Croker leans over to engage in some intelligent political conversation with Small and her also ‘American’ friend Candy
“So what do you guys actually think, do you like Bush?”

Snap of the night:
Croker’s intense facial expressions as he air guitars his heart out in Oceana – Small, this must be retrieved from Candy’s camera, all other photographic evidence from that night can be destroyed :-)

Dumb arse of the night:
Craney deep in conversation with Candy, trying desperately to appear intelligent and witty is describing the expense policy:
“So we get 30 pounds a head per person, so 10 people gives us 300, 8 people would give us…….erm………erm…. (lower lip pout)…ah…” Queue trademark blush and hysterical laughter.

Later whilst trying to salvage some dignity Craney changes tactics and moves in with the “So what do you do” line to Candy.

Candy ”I am Cytologist”¹

The confident smile falters from Craney’s face and a sweat starts to bead on his brow as realisation dawns he is way out of his depth.

Candy sensing his discomfort throws a life line. “I basically look through microscopes at cells”, Everyone nods knowingly clearly deducing the field of work. Craney seeing this starts to panic as his mind draws blank on the significance.

After an uncomfortable wait, with a pre-emptive pout, Craney throws caution to the wind and squeaks out in finest scouser "Is that medical?"

Gross out of the night:
Small makes comment to everyone as they sit round the table at dinner, finishing their respective tapas, of her preferred method of consuming substances two people swap…”Spread on toast”.

Stupid Ideas of the night:
- Hewett suggesting Oceana
- Hewett suggesting shots of tequila
- Hewett allowing Small and Candy to use him as a human shield on the packed dance floor between them and the hordes of lusty men seeking their wears and thus becoming a target for their collective displeasure.
- Hewett suggesting night cap bottle of red wine somewhere north of 3:30am

Medical Marvel of the night:
Craney ordering 13 shots of sambuca, arguing his fundamentally flawed mathematics with PMO for why we required 13 (there were 7 of us), drinking three and then looking like his head is going to explode and running like a girl from the bar, not to be seen again that night.

Spectacle of the night:
Tim’s awesome flowery shirt

Next Day Mysteries:
Croker leaving to catch the train at 8:30 to Durrington, being picked up in a daze by Hewett 1 hour and 15 minutes later outside the Ardington in Worthing²

Footnotes:
¹ Duly corrected from “Scientologist”. Candy does not subscribe to the religion that is Scientology.
² Worthing is a 25 minute train ride from Brighton. Durrington is a further 2 stops from Worthing.