Manifesto

30.12.2009, 2:40-ish am, in Dahab, Egypt, I wrote the following entry into my diary:

“I will love and take care of myself more
I will be a better daughter
I will be a better sister
I will be a better friend
I will cherish each day as a gift
I will be thankful for my life
I will learn more from the strengths of others
I will find ways to let my strengths help others
I will look to learn something new each day
I will be less afraid
I will listen to my heart more
I will let my guard down more”

Looking back, it must have been a sudden moment of clarity at a time of pain and confusion. On 30.12.2009, I have no doubt I was a mess. I was feeling the pain and humiliation of a failed marriage. I was feeling the heartache of love lost. I was feeling the fear of being alone. I was feeling confused and without direction. I had spent the year of 2009 running away from my fears. And in the early morning of 30.12.2009, a day away from New Year’s Eve 2010, in a sudden moment of clarity, I put to paper the manifesto above, what I believed I needed to do to get past the pain and sorrow, and move towards a place of peace, of contentment.

Fast-forward to 21.09.2010, and I find things are easier said than done. In fact I have not looked back on those words until today. I spent the better half of the year getting over the heartache, getting over the panic-inducing fear of being alone, coming to terms with the divorce, stopping the tears, and accepting where I am today, which is:

I am 34
I am divorced
I am living alone for the very first time in my life
I cherish dearly the friendship, and the memories I have with Ed
I am thankful for my loving, patient and understanding parents
I am grateful for the love and support of my friends
Aside from the odd “hiccup”, my life to date has been an amazing one
I am child of this earth, born in the Philippines, but a product of the places I’ve lived (Papua New Guinea, Philippines, USA, UK), and the people I’ve known
I have been able to travel and see the world
I am blessed with good health, and can engage in all my crazy outdoor pursuits
I am educated and free to make choices in my career
I have made mistakes in my life. I hope I have learnt from them to become stronger
I seek nothing more than to find and live my destiny, whatever that is
I aspire to live my life by those 30.12.2009 words, my manifesto.